Aisha Brown

About Aisha Brown

I’m Aisha Brown:
- a Christian,
- a wife
- a writer
- a constant consumer of all things stationery (especially planners, journals, pens, bags…I think I need to stop there. There’s too much to name.)

I married the love of my life in May of 2005. Like any married couple we had plans for our lives. We were going to start a family. Two boys and a girl. That was our plan.
We got pregnant with our first boy in 2006. We were excited, but… The pregnancy was horrible. I had morning sickness, afternoon sickness, and evening sickness.The doctors said it was normal. I felt my son moving so all was good. Until it wasn’t…

At 36 weeks we found out our once healthy boy didn’t have a heartbeat. We were devastated. Unfortunately, in 2007, we had a miscarriage. Then, in 2008, I delivered another little boy at 21 weeks. The doctors said, if I would have made it one more week, he possibly could have lived. After that we had 4 more miscarriages.
In the course of our 15 year marriage we also tried to adopt and foster care. Each turned out the opposite of what we wanted.

I was in and out of grief pretty consistently. In all of this I prayed to God, “What did I do? Please tell me. I’ll fix it. I’ll do better.”
For 10 years, I lived through depression and anxiety attacks. I also turned away from God.

I hadn't planned to turn away, but I felt lost and He was so quiet in those times. Finally, I was at the point where I was holding on by a thread.

Calling out to God changed my life. My effort was turned toward seeking Him and I found Him. My schedule began to revolve around Bible Study and Worship. I could feel God little by little bringing me out of the dark place I was in. The anxiety attacks became fewer and I actually started to see a future which I hadn't for a long time.

In 2020, I felt the nudge from God to write a book about my experience. I didn't want to write this book. The embarrassment of infertility hung over my head. I didn't want to share that with anyone. But, after some time, I decided to be obedient and I started writing. The more I wrote, the more I healed. "My God in my Grief" was published in August 2020.

Every once in a while, anxiety and depression try to creep in and now when they do, I go straight to God. I never want to turn away from Him again.